![]() ![]() "I now pronounce us man, wife, and wife," Clair lay down on the floor, "now, let us consummate our marriage! I'm ovulating right now and I'm gonna have triplets!" Alm could see the head go down her throat like a bowling ball down the gutter. She then unhinged her jaw and, much to Alm and Celica's dismay, proceeded to cram Genny's head into her mouth and crunch down on it, hair and all, like some claymation animatronic horror. "No, please!" Alm pleaded, "I can't let you kill my second-to-last wife!"Ĭlair held up Genny's head: "I'm afraid you're in a monogamous marriage now, faggot! Now I shall eat her head and become your new wife, as per the customs of Valentia." Now come with me, you're going to help me break out Makarov from the sub-basement of Tri-Optimum's corporate headquarters or else I'll blow off your other bitch's head with my high-pressure cumshot!" "AHAHAHAHA!" Clair laughed like a clown on a coke binge, "With the Fire Emblem embedded into my panties: I have become absolutely invulnerable! I can swim to the core of the sun or jump in a black hole and be perfectly fine. I unironically used to write this kind of garbage back in the day "Excellent, excellent." Said the figure on the screen. He's sitting in a magic containment field now." We have captured the other target, the Kingpin of the Spirit Dust Trade and the true hand behind the Crimean throne, Makalov. "We're here to report to the Master, anyway. He speaks in memes now." Said the woman, Lyn, facepalming. "What's Roy's deal, anyway?" Soren asked. "THE GAME!" Yelled the other man out of nowhere. "The Master gave us different tasks for a reason, each is more suited to our respective abilities." "Don't try to play games with us." Soren said coyly, crossing her arms under her gigantic chest. Ike and Soren looked at another side of the dimly-lit room, and two figures stepped out of the shadows: a man and a woman. "I'd have done it better." Said another voice. "It was too easy." Said Ike, lighting up a cigar. "Do you have him?" Asked a gravely voice, slightly distorted through the device's cheap speaker. "We lied, Eddie," said Soren, "there was no pizza."Ī screen then turned on the dark room, showing a figure looking ominously onto the entire scene. "UH!" Edward yelled like an effeminate castrato nutting inside of a 13-year old girl. While his back was turned, Ike wound up his arm and struck Edward in the back of his head. "Ah, yeah, well, there's no need to say that. And, hey, great job on your duel with Sothe." "Yeah, man," said Ike as he shouldred his sword, "she's right inside. "What?" Edward looked at Ike and Soren as a cow looks at an oncoming UFO about to abduct it, "Oh, that sounds awesome," he sheathed his sword, "I can't wait! Is Micaiah in there?" Come on inside, we ordered 40 boxes of Little Caesars and 200 bags of crazy bread to go with them and we're gonna watch all of the Transporter movies together." "Yeah, yeah," said Soren, "it was just prank. "Woah, Jesus, calm down!" Ike cried, "we were just fucking with you." "Holy shit!" Edward yelled as he drew up his sword in a well-practiced battle stance, "come at me you sons of bitches!" ![]()
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